Ashley and the Evergreen

By melFebruary 17th, 2011News3 Comments
Ashley and the Evergreen

It was a mid-February, below zero morning, and I had just settled down to a steaming cup of Folgers (only the best) and a much larger than the allotted serving size of vanilla creamer which was OK considering it was fat free of course. I had had the new CD, Secrets, in my hand only a mere 24 hours and I was about to share my new baby and labor of love with my parents for the first time. Mike at my side, giving me a proud, loving smile, pushed play on the remote while my parents quickly straightened their reading glasses and eagerly opened up the CD inserts to read along. The music started, I nervously looked around the room hoping they’d like it, and – “The Entertainer” ringtone began to blare from my mom’s phone, not quite the moment for Joplin Rag. I saw it was my sister, Ashley, calling so I answered quietly just to quickly ask her to join us.
“Um,” she said either laughing or crying I wasn’t sure, “I ran over a Christmas tree.” OK – what?! I sneak out of the room trying to not interrupt the rocking guitars singing on “Trying to Love”. Ashley was still talking, “and then this Russian lady in a fur coat almost backed into me, and I swerved and ran over a Christmas Tree!” Ok, well, just pull it out from under the car and get over here. I hung up, told everyone everything is fine and that Ashley just ran over a Christmas tree (that’s normal, right?). I suggested we listen to an acoustic track, “I See You” next. Everyone settles back into their lyrics and – “The Entertainer”. Ashley was a bit more frantic this time as I laughed “hello” she responded “This is not funny. This is really happening!! I ran over a Christmas tree. The entire tree is under my car. It won’t come out. I’m driving down 62 and it smells like burnt evergreen!” OK, I push pause, spread the news about the growing concern of burnt evergreen and the fact that Ashley is flying down the highway with an entire tree attached to her vehicle. The team rallies in a fury – Mike grabs a hammer, I put all the coffee cups in the sink, Mom finds Dad’s gloves, Dad grabs his passport (?) and we all crawl into the 4 wheel drive – maybe we can pull this sucker out.
We’re driving down the road feeling a bit heroic and certainly united. I’m getting a little more excited than appropriate for the opportunity to capture video footage for our Facebook page and then – “The Entertainer”. Now Ashley’s just laughing hysterically and shouting, “I smell like an Evergreen!” Apparantly, she was able to drive FIVE miles with an ENTIRE Christmas tree under her car, but once she reached the GE parking lot, wiggled the trunk free while wearing dress pants, metallic kitten heels, and her “Shirley temple coat” she was able to drive away leaving an entire Christmas tree in the parking lot of GE corporate – sorry GE! Our rescue team turned around, a bit sad that we didn’t get a chance to free Ashley from the tree or really just sad I missed my video opp. We drove back to mom and dad’s, walked in to find Ashley laughing to herself along with the most overwhelming scent of Christmas tree I had ever smelled – quite nice actually.

So, before you think – Wow maybe you shouldn’t have written about your sister like that. I will say Ashley promotes all telling of this story and even supplied a picture for you to enjoy. And sadly I’m not innocent of these “did that really happen?” moment. I have been Ashley’s partner in crime before. In fact it was me that drove her and I two hours west of Minneapolis and ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere on I-94 while Ashley was sleeping. And then it was me who suggested we sing along to the Bon Jovi CD at the top of our lungs while waiting for AAA to help us, which eventually ran the battery dead, which meant we couldn’t roll up the windows or close the sunroof when it started raining. Besides that, Ashley did a good thing here. She avoided injuring the Russian lady in pink lipstick wearing a fur coat, took care of the tree removal for her neighbor, scented her car and clothes like Tommy Boy rubbed air freshener on his coat, and she brought a little piece of Christmas to the corporate workers of GE – well done Ashley!

  1. Lori Ward says:

    bahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! My goodness the curse of the starange happenings will live on forever! Allison was stuck on top of a huge garbage bag! She continued to “floor” it to get free, but her car wouldn’t move! She looked up and saw a strange women staring at her, asking her, What the _____ are you doing? You are top of a garbage bag! The stranger….”secret hero,” gets a shovel and shovels the bag and all the splattered garbage from under Alli’s car and frees Alli! The stranger leaves………Did I mention Alli had not left our driveway. Bahahahahahahahhahah!

  2. Alli Ward says:

    THANKS mom.. Yes -I did run over a heaping, huge bag of garbage.. and yes orange peels and gross garbage flew EVERYWHERE. Sooo after the nice lady rescued me, I had the privelege of picking up all of it, which was a wonderfullll way to start my morning, aside from running it over in the first place! So Ash we once again made silly fools of ourselves, but that’s okay because now we have even more to laugh at, and we have more stories for Brucey to make us retell only about a BILLION times.. (& as usual he will laugh hysterically each time) ;)

  3. Kari Dobbs says:

    Hilarious! Love you girls and all your stories!

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